Week 12

I wish I'm smart, like Sheldon Cooper.

betul, betul.

What if it's Him

What if it's God speaking

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us

Get our attention to prove He is enough

Who knows how He'll get a hold of you

Get your attention to prove He's enough

He'll do and He'll use

Whatever He wants to

To tell us "I love you"

God is speaking

"I love you"

- Mandisa, God Speaking, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjyvC4trKzc&feature=player_embedded

"Be patient with everyone, but above all with thyself.

I mean, do not be disheartened by your imperfections,

but always rise up with fresh courage."

- St. Francis de Sales

I could only strum a few chords

It's all about making music to the Lord, actually. ;)

hello there,

I think,

This came a bit late. Hee!

Happy belated birthday, Ah Ling!

I love drawing with my left hand.

My lovely artist sister, with all the guidance you've provided, thank you, me love you :3

Today, I wore yellow.

"For the rest of that day, whenever he looked at the things about him,

and saw how ordinary and unmagical they were,

he hardly dared to hope;

C.S. Lewis, from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew

9th July 2011, I wore yellow. And hoped for a change.

His plans, for me,

I would say,

are like cookies baking in the oven.

I can't smell it yet,

and I can't really see through the tinted glass.

Sometimes I wonder if it's cookies He's baking!

It takes time and patience

before the aroma of the freshly baked comes flooding in.

Ahhhhh~

and I'm a tad bit surer,

that it's cookies He's baking.

What if it weren't cookies He's baking?

Nevermind that.

It's ALL goodies He's baking:

cupcakes, scones, pizzas or pies!

(impatient!)

21

21 years.

Thank You, Lord, for being so ever faithful.

I can sing in the troubled times

Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step

And fall down again

I can sing cause You picked me up

Sing cause You're there

I can sing cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last beath

Sing cause I know

That I'll sing with the angels

and the saints around the throne.

Father God,

Do You know how everyday is a great challenge for me, with every stretch of my patience being provoked and tested?

Yet You called me to love and forgive and "in my anger do not sin".

This is really difficult. Perhaps in my anger I have already sinned?

Take a deep breath, and tahan?

Sigh.

Oh please stop comparing

Think what? I'm playing everyday is it? ajkdjajsflkjdlg!!

Jon Mclaughlin - Beautiful Disaster

She loves her mama's lemonade,

Hates the sound that goodbyes make.

She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.

She swears that there's no difference,

Between the lies and compliments.

It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,

The pictures that she's seen make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.

Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,

Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.

She never stays the same for long,

Assuming that she'll get it wrong.

Perfect only in her imperfections.

She's not a drama queen,

She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.

Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home.

'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.

Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.

Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home

And she just needs someone to take her home.

Been feeling a bit sappy ;)

dream a little dream of me

And it makes me go, "Sigh...."

=================================================================

Stars shining bright above you;

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"?

Birds singing in the sycamore tree.

Dream a little dream of me.

Say nighty-night and kiss me;

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.

While I'm alone, blue as can be,

Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading but I linger on, dear

Still craving your kiss.

I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear

Just saying this...

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.

But in your dreams, whatever they be,

Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading but I linger on, dear

Still craving your kiss.

I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear,

Just saying this...

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you.

But in your dreams, whatever they be,

Dream a little dream of me.

Ebenezer

Thus far the Lord has helped us.

Samuel said to the whole house of Israel, "If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only, and He will deliver you out of the hands of the Philistines."

Israel did so.

And that day when the Philistines drew near to engage Israel to battle, the Lord thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them in such panic that they retreated disorderly before the Israelites. The men of Israel rushed out and pursued the Philistines, slaughtering them along the way.

Not too long ago, I felt there was so much to be done and I've exactly none of the time and capacity to accomplish everything in time. Physical fatigue is so real; making it hard to look at things on the bright side. Mental fatigue is so real; the blockage in the head can really wear me out.

And because all these are real. So real that I could touch it, feel it, and be ever aware of its presence. I think I lost myself. And when the walls started crumbling in, I thought, "Yes, this is it. Kthxbye."

Where are You, Lord? I hadn't bothered to ask that question. Too much work too little time. Even before I realised I was being sucked in, oh well, I was already sucked in.

I could only say, that in times of distress, what could be sadder than not knowing God is always in control of things? What could be sadder than not knowing God Himself?

I know God. And I acknowledge He's in control. But my eyes were so loosely fixed on Him that when the first wave hits, I scrambled back to the shore, grabbed hold of my own pathetic float, and swam my full might, eyes on the wind and the waves.

It felt hopeless.

Psalm 18 says God will fly all the way from His temple, on a cherub, gliding on the wings of wind, as soon as He hears my cries of distress. The earth will tremble and quake; the foundations of the mountain will shake - they trembled because He was angry, angry at the things that distressed me I think *wink!*

He will reach down from the on high and take hold of me. He will draw me out of deep waters. He will rescue me from my powerful enemies and my foes who were too strong for me. The Lord will be my support.

The overbearing workload has been lifted, although still present. Things are just different when you cry out, when you voice out. People came to help. Inspirations start to flow. He is great and I am small. What can I do then? Hide behind His back.

Who is Jesus to me?

I would say, He is my hero. He is my Help.

Ebenezer, thus far He has helped us. Thus far He has helped me.

Running, back to Him

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And earth has nothing I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

A tribute to the Taylor Swift Super Fan

P!nk - Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice

Dug my way out, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please,

Don't you ever ever feel

Like you are less than,

Less than perfect

Pretty pretty please,

If you ever, ever feel

Like you're nothing

You'r are perfect to me!

You're so mean,

When you talk about yourself,

You were wrong!

Change the voices in your head,

Make them like you, instead!

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please,

Don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than,

Less than perfect

Pretty pretty please,

If you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me.

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere

They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than,

Less than perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel

Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect to me!

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me...

It's...

While you were away,

I knocked into someone's car. And I feel really upset about it.

You told me, "Stay strong. The joy of the Lord be your strength."

And I remembered praying this way, "Father God, let me not forget all the good things You've done for me when bad things happen."

And I did not forget.

17th November 2010, I wrote in my journal: I want to treasure all of these in my heart. This is why I want to journal everything down, so that when my memory fails, I will not forget Your love and Your faithfulness, for this will be my reminder.

I also remembered how you smell like soap and fresh laundry.

p/s: I miss you really much :(

note to self:

1. Catch my breath.

2. Open textbook.

3. Turn on computer.

4. Do tutorial Qs.

It would be great, to sit on this fat boy, and sleep, or read a book.

I overpowered a grizzly bear!! *triumphant*

I'm sorry

Intense. Intense. Someone please tell me everything's gonna be alright.

The moment I realized I stepped on the accelerator and not the brake, my heart felt weak. I knocked into someone else's car bumper.

I day dream too much. I knocked into a stationary car. How noob can I be?

My mom saw an umbrella in the empty car. Brandon spotted a pair of ladies' shoes. The driver's a girl, we speculated.

I just wanted to tell her, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Please forgive me.

I was reminded of a song chorus.

"Cause I got a couple dents in my fender

Got a couple rips in my jeans

Try to fit the pieces together

But perfection is my enemy

On my own I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me"

Francesca Battistelli, Free to be me.

Indeed on my own I'm so clumsy... :(

1. I've been stretched to my limits, 2. the frustrating traffic jam, 3. the Monash University parking lot which is always full and 4. my terrible driving skills. My heart felt weak.

I'm learning to still hold onto Him and trust Him in every circumstance.

I'm a butter worm

Best eaten with bread :P

that sense of touch

One day, I went into my Grandma's room and thought that little old lady looked really cheeky, almost like a mischievous kid. I ambushed her, giving her a big bear hug. She winked a bit, stretched out her only moving hand and brushed her fingers on my cheek. It was that touch. It made me feel loved.

One Sunday, I was ushering running kids around on the second floor of the church building, getting them ready for worship and games, as usual. A toddler named Evan came to me and held my hand, leading me to where he found a sticker stuck on the wall. Hands so small, so soft, and so warm. It was that touch. It made me feel wanted.

One Saturday, my 11 year old cousin came over to have me help her with her homework. She asked to brush my hair and do all sorts of fancy hairdo with my head. It was that touch. It made me feel beautiful.

One Saturday evening in January, Japheth gave me a brief goodbye hug before boarding the plane. It was that touch. I felt a sense of belonging, also hope.

that gift of faith

"For thousands of years, we've meditated, fasted, and communed, we've prayed and chanted to make contact with the divine. But what if all you need is a magnet on the right hemisphere of your brain to see God?"

An introduction made by Morgan Freeman in TV program Through the Wormhole: Is There a Creator

"One neuroscientist believes our experiences with the divine can be induced by sending electromagnetic signals into the brain. Does this mean the divine is actually biological?"

An experiment was done by sending electromagnetic stimulations to a certain part of the brain and it produces a similar effect that of a divine experience. The Persinger experiment. I'm not arguing any further. Science is trying to explain God away.

=========================

Skeptics of religion are quick to claim that the brain's handwriting proves that God has no real existence, that it's all in the brain." The real common denominator here is brain activity, not anything else," says Ron Barrier, a spokesman for American Atheists based in Cranford, New Jersey. "There is nothing to indicate that this is externally imposed or that you are somehow tapping into a divine entity."

But Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, isn't so sure. "We can't say they're wrong," he says. "On the other hand, if you're a religious person, it makes sense that the brain can do this, because if there is a God, it makes sense to design the brain so that we can have some sort of interaction. And we can't say that's wrong, either. The problem is that all of our experience are equal, in that they are all in the brain. Our experience of reality, our experience of science, our mystical experiences are all in the brain."

In fact, he goes on, practically the only way we can judge the reality of an experience is by how real it feels: "You can have a dream and it feels real at the time, but you wake up and it no longer feels as real. The problem is, when people have a mystical experience they think that is more real than baseline reality - even when they come back to baseline reality. That turns everything around." To Newberg, it means that reductionist science, powerful as it is, has its limitations.

Religious expert agree. "You could say Shakespeare's sonnets are nothing but a combination of pencil lead and cellulose," says Harper. "But you could also say this is the outflow of a great soul, and that would also be true." He says there are different levels of explanation which are each true at their own level, but which don't offer a comprehensive explanation.

Just as physicists cannot fully understand the electron as wither a particle or a wave, but only as both at once, says Newberg, so we need both science and a more subjective, spiritual understanding in order to grasp the full nature of reality.

Excerpt from In Search of God - Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

=========================

All things point to the glory of God. Reductionism sucks.

That's why faith is a gift. I've heard nothing. Seen nothing. Felt nothing. Yet I still believe.

I think (24/2/2011), 9.52PM

One deep and serious groan is more acceptable to God than the creation of a world.

Thomas Traherne

Philip Yancey says:

Early in my marriage I would haltingly reveal secrets about myself to my wife, secrets I have never told anyone. "Do you still love me?" I would ask. Yes, she would assure me, even when the secrets may have caused her pain. I learned from her a truth I would I would later understand about God: only if you are fully known can you be fully loved.

My spiritual growth has meant bringing a succession of secrets, in fear and trembling, only to find that God of course knew the secret all along, and loved me anyhow. I have learned that God is hardly surprised by my failure. Knowing me better than I know myself, God expects failure from me. I am more sinful than I ever imagined - and also more loved by God.

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51: 16-17)

========================================

ps: I wonder when will I be able to achieve that level of maturity and write like how Yancey does.

hello again.

You see, Victor, eggplant is shy. But I got her to say hi anyway hohohoho! :P

hello.

Today, you are my best friend. Tomorrow will be the eggplant's turn.

Hahahahaha!!

Fear crept into my mind

I tried to blow it off as I would a feather.

Why isn't it moving. Ugh.

Of course it isn't, silly. It's heavier than a feather. You've got to use some force. *raise eyebrows*

Gah, if only goodbyes are forever.

I asked,

"What if, Father God, one day, You were silent?"

Psalm 77

³ I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
⁴ You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
⁵ I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
⁶ I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

⁷ “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
⁸ Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
⁹ Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

*One thing I ask, that I may not forget the good works You've done in my life.*

I woke up with songs playing in my head

And it makes me really happy heeheehee! :D

Redeemer Saviour Friend

I know You had me on Your mind
When You climbed up on that hill
For You saw me with eternal eyes
While I was yet in sin
Redeemer Savior Friend

Every stripe upon Your battered back
And every thorn that pierced Your brow
Every nail drove deep through guiltless hands
Said that Your love knows no end
Redeemer Savior Friend

Redeemer redeem my heart again
Savior come and shelter me from sin
You're familiar with my weakness
Devoted to the end
Redeemer Savior Friend

So the grace You poured upon my life
Will return to You in praise
I'll gladly lay down all my crowns
Redeemer Saviour Friend

God has the whole me

As stated. God has the whole me.

To Him, who has always been close to my heart

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

(Psalm 73:25-26)

Too many people demanding too much of my time

I. don't. like.

The color of passion

I'm leaving for the highlands today. Somewhere out of this world. Somewhere cold. Somewhere green. I wanted to bring my favourite white cot jacket with me. It's in the washing machine. I cry. Boohoohoo!

My mom gave me a red hoodie. "There you go. Now you look like the Little Red Riding Hood."

Thanks, ma. You're awhsoam when you're not scolding me.

Greetings from Sunway Monash University library!

"I'm on my guard for the rest of the world

But with you, I know it's no good

And I could wait patiently

But I really wish you would

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

Cause I see sparks fly

Whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby

As the lights go down

Give me something that'll haunt me

When you're not around

Cause I see sparks fly

Whenever you smile"

Taylor Swift, Sparks Fly.

The Snailish and the Sluggurious

About a month ago, my mother caught a really large (gigantic) snail in the park and she kept it in a bucket so that when I come home I can have a look at it.

Two days in the bucket with loads of papaya leaves (yes, snails near my house eat papaya leaves), it died. My father says the change in temperature caused its death.

Hmm. Snails are easy to kill.

A story I heard when I was young. About how snails turn into slugs.

Indeed snails are easy to kill. So God gave them shells so they could survive a little longer.

Some snails thought their shells were a burden, so *whoosh!* they threw their shells away. And they became slugs.

p/s: banana slugs are awhsoam :D they're like melting peeled bananas. Heeheehee!

And when the weather changed, slugs die, and they blame God for changing the weather. Snails die too, but they survived a little longer.

Think of this, shells being our identity. I wonder if I still have mine on.

Trust me, adults are cruel beings

"Mama, look. There's a red ant on the windscreen!"

"Oh."

Seriously,

It takes heart and time to paint a picture which tells stories.

Seriously,

I don't think I have a lot of time.

Seriously,

What am I doing with my degree? Bankers are boring.

Seriously,

I want to paint my lifelong lessons on a wall.

Seriously,

I am a bizarre Christian girl but it seems God makes the best sense out of everything.

Seriously.

*heart*

Have you heard of King David? He is a man after God's own heart.

I aspire to be like him. So I set my heart out on a journey to follow my Lord.

At times I get distracted, and wander away.

And got into a lot of trouble.

Hence, I was lost and broken.

One day I saw His footsteps from afar. So my heart started its journey again.

And when I finally found Him, I know I didn't want to let go of Him anymore.

Catch me flying thoughts

I woke up one day the weather was great. 7.08AM. Ahh the blankets, wrapped like sushi. The fan was turned off. The windows were opened. My good friend was up, drawing on her sketchbook.

Lets go out and walk. I told her.

Okay. *pause* You've not been drawing lately.

Oh yes. I am. Been sketching in my head. Been painting too.

What is it that you're painting?

A cat. A friendly cat. I imagined it to be ginger, with brown stripes. Or white. With patches of black or brown. No. Not grey cats. I've not seen a friendly grey cat.

Me neither.

I've been thinking of a face. Both familiar and unfamiliar. I'm afraid I might forget how he looked like.

Are you going to draw?

My slippers are wearing out. My jeans are so comfy.

What about painting?

I don't dye my hair because it's not how I am meant to be.

You're talking about a Creator?

Yes. Do you realise how people are so dissatisfied with who they are and just who they are?

I suppose I'm happy being just me. I don't wear braces. *smiles widely to show teeth*

I'm just too perfect to go plastic.

You should wax your arms and legs.

Can't you see how the weather changed? I'm preparing for winter.

Ha. Ha. Ha. You're so lame. Please don't tell anyone you know me.

Seriously. Take this quote. "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'"

*bursts out laughing* So you're saying you're hairy for a purpose.

Exactly-des. I'm preparing for winter.

Is it important to appeal on the outside?

Yes I suppose. But in the long term it's more of the inside. *points at left side of the chest*

So cliche. Give me a cooler answer.

Rejoice always. Pray unceasingly. Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

How does that relate?

I don't know. If it's a command by the Creator, it must make the creation something. Remember that.

There's something on your mind.

Yes there is. I'm troubled.

Why so downcast O my soul?

Hagin. I want to be Spirit filled. I don't know if I'm so.

And it took you so long to open up.

No one knows me better.

What are your findings?

I opened 1 Corinthians to read Chapter 14, but ended up reading Chapters 12 to 14 instead.

Did you find any answers?

Some. Not all.

You're still troubled.

Yes I am.

Are you going to leave this hanging?

No. I know exactly what I want. I will pray for the Creator to do what's best with me.

You're one closed up cocoon.

The right time comes and I will emerge as a beautiful butterfly.

Will you turn out to be a moth instead?

No. From the very beginning I know I will be a butterfly. You know where my heart is.

*nods* Indeed I do. Do you think it's time yet?

Not so. But soon.

I think (15/1/2011, 9.03PM)

Look at the King's pudding. It's round. It's brown. And it smells... *sticks nose to it* ...mmm so delicious! *hops around, rubs stomach*

Nibble nibble. Munch munch. Gobble gobble. Crunch crunch.

=========================================================================

Mission: Draw on MS Paint.

Status: Failed.

Remarks: Too lazy to turn on own computer. Hogged sister's to blog.

I need inspirations. Thinking of that face which was both familiar and unfamiliar. I want to walk closer to God. I munched on Paul's letters. Actually I have thoughts flying all over. I just don't know how to pen them down.

Maybe I should stick to drawing. Or write bizarre stories. I should start making one up. Heeheehee!

I think (11/1/2011, 12.47PM)

Good books. Good music. Color pencils. Paint and paint brushes. Sketchbooks. Friendly dogs. The smell of wet grass. I like my semester break.

I could stay still. And very still. And just read and read and read. Or just paint and paint and paint. Sometimes I turn the music on. Sometimes I turn it off. Sometimes I write letters. Sometimes I play the piano. Sometimes I run around doing errands for my parents. Sometimes I help out in church. Sometimes I argue with my sister. Sometimes I debate with my parents. Sometimes we sit together and talk about anything and everything.

Come to think of it, I like living life this way. Laid back, super laid back. God first, church first. Why worry? God is in control. Let's go somewhere rural. Buy a plot of land, and do farming. We can plant our own vegetables, keep a dog, and rear chickens for eggs. I don't like the city. I don't like air-conditioned rooms. That's why I like the place I'm living in right now. Right next to the forest reserve. When it rains, the whole place fogs up. The air is cool, fresh and clean. A car drove past, exhaust smoke fills the air, I cursed under my breath.

Just as when I was young I could sit in the library all day reading story books. Now I could stay in my room all day (with the windows open), and read and paint. Until my mom calls me down. Until the church needs help. Then I'll join the fellowship of others. Solitary is good. It makes me think. Nature is a glimpse of how heaven is like. Simplicity gives access to it. If everyone realises how wonderful God is, isn't that great? Questioning is so tiring, don't we all realise?

Non believers question the existence of God. Some Christians are just mere converts. Devoted Christians get burnt out. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. That is the plain truth.

These are just my preferences. Wherever God leads, let me submit to His perfect will. For I know no matter how far my path deviates from my preferences, He has far better things in store for me. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. I'd rather my treasures are in heaven.