I wanna watch K.O.3anguo!!

Stupid ASTRO when is Sr 3 coming out?!

Speaking of results, ain't I nervous? Sigh.

I find myself Googling for ways to reduce the size of thighs, ain't I desperate? Sigh.

I actually thought it was my jeans going out of shape. But in fact, I've put on weight. Plus the jeans going a little out of shape... Emm..

I woke up this morning and look in the mirror. OMG whats with the dark eye circles?!!

Supposedly sufficient sleep does not eliminate dark eye rings. I slept at 10pm last night.

I am going to exercise. Maybe eat a little lesser(hesitating...). So I could fit into the new pair of trousers. Hopefully. Because mom will skin me alive.

After bugging her for a long time she finally bought me a pair of black jeans. She asked for a 28'. I said no I'm not so fat. Then I say 27'. Then I squeezed myself in. Mom says is it too tight? I said no man no it's great. Just nice.

And so I found my aim this hols. Awesome.

The Grudge

Today is the 26th of November. My passport is not renewed yet. I am very frustrated. Can my parents not give me so much excuses. Spoon.

I shouted at my mom because she dragged me for the whole month and the way she says things sounded like my stuff is not at all urgent. Great.

Why when I have my finals I have to sit in my isolated room while everyone is watching movies the hell out of them. But when my sister is having her SPM she could lie on the sofa in the living room and supposedly I have to turn off the TV and accommodate with her. Awesome.

I watch sports games during the hols

I am currently following the World Grand Championship Cup (WGCC). Checking out volleyball hot guys.

The Egyptian team has their King (technically the ancient King) to play for them, the Pharoah. His name is A. Salah.

I do not know about resemblance in this picture. But watch the game please. I find him amusing :)

Oh and by the way, BWF men's doubles semifinal second set point 19 to 21 was superb. We lost the third set though, so we lost.

War of the Confectioneries

There was a butterfly fluttering its wings in front of me and a thought crossed my mind. The powder is going to come off and make me sneeze. True enough, I sneezed. Then I had another bizarre thought. The powder would multiply and turned everything smoky. The butterfly will increase in size while I shrunk. And it happened. Then I thought, maybe it’s a giant moth, not a butterfly. And the yellow-greenish butterfly turned into an enormous grey moth. Now it would open its mouth and speak. The giant moth opened its supposed mouth and said, “My name is Spongebob Squarepants.” I giggled uncontrollably. The moth has now turned into Spongebob with a pair of gray wings. No. Squidward look better with the wings. The creature that looked like Squidward opened its mouth and said, “My name is Squidward Tentacles.” Meanwhile, I could see his big nose wobble and I grinned crazily.

“Our nation is under attack. The King summons you.” Okay, this is crazy. The next moment I find myself kneeling in front of the King. His Majesty spoke, “My great warrior, do you know who am I?” Yes. You are Darth Vader. That was because he looked like Darth Vader, smells like Darth Vader, and feels like Darth Vader. I screamed, you are an evil king! I will not fight for you! But he’s not Darth Vader. The King took off his mask and I had the shock of my life. McDull appeared as King. “I am the Prince of Polo Buns. The king of Egg Tarts has sworn to take us down.” This time, I laughed till tears rolled down my cheeks. Omg this is crazy. The King spoke again. “You, my mighty warrior, will lead my army against them and return in triumph!” Just as the words leave his mouth, an army of assorted buns roared in consent and of high-spirit, “All hail the King of Buns!!!”

The Prince of Polo Buns pronounced me knight with the title ‘Naik Buns’. “Go forth! And return in victory! Crush the enemy and vindicate my people.” My army and I stood in front of our fort and await the arrival of the king of Egg Tarts and his legion. Soon a line of assorted tarts appeared in the distant horizon. All sorts of tarts. Traditional egg tarts, Portuguese egg tarts, pineapple tarts, fruit tarts, all freshly baked from the oven. The aroma of the newly baked enemy intensifies the spirit of my army, and the buns roared, chanting the national bun anthem. I raised my bread-cutting knife, and shouted, “For McDull!” My legion echoed in enthusiasm. “Chaaaarge!!!” And the War of the Confectioneries has begun. I rushed forth and sliced a few tarts into halves. Tart fillings and pastries were scattered everywhere. This is a cruel battle. I hope that history would not repeat itself. I thought as I see my fellow soldier disembowel an opponent. The hardened pastry was cut open and soft fillings of baked eggs poured out like coagulated blood. The enemy soldier gave a heart piercing shriek and he died as his body fell amongst the carcasses of his comrades.

Just then, I heard another shriek. My fellow companion in war, Lieutenant Red Bean Paste Bun, arched his back in pain as the spear of a brawny fruit tart pierce through his stomach. When my eyes met his, I saw horror and fear in his small black pupils. My heart stopped beating as I see his stomach being ripped open and red bean paste gushed out like a fountain. Anger filled my head and I rushed to the fruit tart who killed my friend. With my anointed knife, I sliced the tart into pieces but the pain of the loss of a friend did not recede even as I watch pieces of fruits falling before my eyes. Our army was winning, and more tarts were being killed. We charged forth, more tarts ran in fear. Someone shouted, “Take down their King! Take down their King!” We charged to the end of the enemy’s legion and I saw a humongous piece of egg tart radiating rays of glorious golden egg fillings. You are beautiful. I said to the King of Egg Tarts. He smiled a shy smile, “Well, it’s the golden syrup I paint on myself everyday…”

“For McDull! For Red Bean!” General Kaya Bun stormed forth and sliced the king into half. Hence, the end of the war.

Back in the palace, we were feasting with the King. The Prince of Polo Buns raised his cup, inviting us for a toast. “For the late Red Bean! For our foreign warrior with K.O Count of 2563!” Everyone cheered. I was given the hand in marriage of the Princess.

The sound of a car honk pulled me out of my reverie. I glance at my worthless suitor and walk out. He studied me from head to toe, squinted his eyes and blurted, “Why are you dressed like you’re going to the market?” “Well, if you wish to appease me, you would bring forth the sexy leather jacket I adore.” “What? I thought I told you not to ask me buy you things for I take that as materialistic.”

Yes, and you may leave.

What I can say is that I've really busted something. By chopping my fringe (which is too long). By myself (which is the big wrong...).

Description:

1. Dog-bite

2. Too short until it's sticking out.

I've regretted much. Blame my mom for not bringing me for a proper haircut.

So much for small eyes and hair that defy gravity. Perfect combination.

"Ooh baby don't you know I suffer

Ooh baby can you hear me moan..?"

Sorry I just felt like I must quote something from Muse.

Even until now, I do not know how to customise my blogskin.

Tsiyin Nicole heeeelllpp!!

2012

I have planned to watch 2012, but then I wanted to wait for the pirateds...

Hence, the birth of conflicts.

Apparently the world's gonna end because the Mayan calender ended at 2012. History Channel took chunks of Nostradamus' philosophy and some verses from the book of Revelation to explain.

I don't know. But why 2012? Maybe the Mayans just got really tired after writing hundreds of years of calenders so they just stopped?

But then, if Judgement Day is so predictable then it wouldn't be God anymore.

But then, if everything's gonna end at 2012. I'll only be 22... Young and beautiful(face now beaming with unusual light)... Not married no kids(I want to have at least four)... Don't want man!!

The Time Traveler's Wife

I do not regret watching Time Traveler's Wife!!

Plot:

1. Henry was in car with his mother singing, then they met with an accident.

2. Henry's head hit somewhere. Was injured.

3. Henry started to disappear. He screamed. His mom watched in horror.

4. Henry traveled in time to a week before his mother died.

5. Henry traveled back to where then accident happened.

6. His mother died in the crash. He didn't because he 'teleported'.

7. Henry met with Claire when she was 6 and he was 40 something.

8. They got married when they were 20 something.

9. Then a whole bunch of weird things just happen got to watch it I'm so lazy to tell.

10. Then Henry supposedly died.

11. Oh and before that, they had a daughter called Alba.

12. She could travel through time too.

13. So Henry supposedly died, but then he appeared time to time after his death and his loved ones could still see him even after he's dead. Because he could travel through time.

I've just wrote a very bizarre plot. Spoiled everything. But I enjoyed it so much because it was so romantic... They're just a really good-looking pair.

It's a romantic movie though some may call it a sci-fi with so called time traveling genes and stuff. The Dr. Kendrick a genaelogist (idk supposedly ppl who study genetic traits) was of little importance although I actually expect him to come up with something to cure Henry. He just became a friend to the family. I was like, "What..?"

At the end of the movie I sighed a sigh of relief. Maybe I was somewhat ready. Anne's ending was much more touching. I was quite sure she co-wrote the book hehe.

"So he kept disappearing and reappearing. Then one day he saw her and she saw him. And they know it was the last time they're gonna see each other."

But awh, it wasn't so I didn't cry. But then, I had waters welling up to be honest. Aah whatever >.<

I'm deprived

My aims currently:

1. Prepare for finals (kali ini kena buat baik-baik!)
2. Sit for finals
3. Get my passport renewed

My aims after finals:

1. Genting Singapore here I come!
2. Get a job (burhh....)

Updates on 5B Gathering

Last Friday I had double dose of pizza.

Had one meal with Tsiyin and Nicole, and another with former classmates.

Both at Pizza Hut, Sunway Pyramid.

Not much, but took lots of pictures.

I had a great time :)

The group photo

Our ladies

The group photo

Yes I intentionally took this shot to show the difference in height

*More pictures on fb, credits to Jasmine, Yuin Ching, Yin Wei and Ang Ming Soong who tagged me.

Update on Monash Go Green Week

On the 4 th of October, I joined Walkathon 2009 after Nic's convincing speech.
There were a few of us who joined. Met new friends. Niak's legs are like mile long. So is Nicole.

Tsiyin, me, Niak, Nic, Ken

Tsiyin was the coolest. She walked for 6km in sandals and did not wear pants.

Clockwise from weird pink shoe: Szehui, Tsiyin, Nic, Ken, Niak

The certificate of participation

That was a Sunway Pyramid Shopping Mall full map

Anne is taller than me.

I feel vertically challenged.

And find her very intimidating~~

Just one more report to go. Procrastination is not good.

I'm feeling a bit bored.

Starry Han Ming

And so I realised my primary table tennis teammate has become a star.

I was surfing the TV channels and I came across this music video where two guys were singing.

Thomas Jack 东于哲 OMG what a stupid name.

Then I saw this guy who looked omg so familiar.

"Eh Ma, this is the guy who called me fat when I was 11."

SJK (C) Han Ming boleh!

Ang Ming Soong, do you remember Thomas Kok 郭晓东?

Dear Anne: Please try to comprehend

Today, 我们到restaurant去吃dinner。

爸爸point着一位man。他说：“你去shout ‘hottie！’。看他会respond没有。”

我说：“你很jobless。”

爸爸说：“Maybe他觉得自己很good looking叻。”

我说：“为了什么reason？”

爸爸说：“（1）他觉得他的hair很soft和smooth。（（2）他觉得他的build很slim。（3）他觉得他的皮肤很fair。酱就够给他认靓仔咯！”

我说：“Jobless到爆啊！”

If I'd write a movie review, it would be like this:

Final Destination was somewhat lame.

It was all flesh and blood.

Yes, I must say, although I was terrified, I almost fell asleep. All because it has no substance.

The same day after I've watched FD, I watched District 9.

Owh, it was so much better...

There's flies flying around me. I must have rotted during the hols.

Free tickets

We won free movie tickets yesterday.

There was this truck parked in school yestersay. Two guys approached us on our way to class. They said:

"Hey look, we're giving free stuff."

There were free movie tickets, entrance tickets to Bar Celona, some clubbing CD, and Twilight caps.

So we filled up forms, thinking we could just take and leave.

But NO.

So we stayed and answered a few easy questions.

"What is the name of the newspaper we're advertising?"

"Emm, Today."

"Full name."

"You mean my full name? Tham Szehui."

"No. The full name of the newspaper."

"Oh.. *look around* Malaysian Today."

I saw Anne laughing.

Fine, man. Awkward moments.

I miss my high school friends.

I like pleasant looking guys.

林峰 is one of them.

Aaah he look so good in Master of Taichi!

Love Can Wait

Pa says, "It's time to pray for your spouse."

Pastor says, "Pray, and God will give him to you."

And so I made a list of what I want in him. And I kept on adding in. Now it has about 15 items. I realised that I could be really picky.

I laughed, and told God to take His time.

Nevermind, love can wait.

Fit for Fat

I dreamt that my sister told me:

"You're so fat. Your pants is literally bursting."

And I woke up, my legs feeling as if they do not belong to my body.

The day before I accepted my father's challenge and ran for 5km to prove to him that I am fit.

My most frequent visited website of the week:

www.bnm.gov.my

I must say, that I'm so drained.

Comm Banking major assignment, Interlearns, and Financial Management mid term test all due on the same day, which is one week away.

在学校常常会遇到怨鬼，所以看到时要大喊：

“时运高！睇我唔到！”

And I Kissed Them Two By Two

I taught kids at Sunday School to sing the New Testament Song. They don't call it the New Testament Song, they call it The Matthew Mark Luke John Song.

And so aunties like to put me in trouble. They say, "Ooh, those of you who could remember the first two stanzas without looking at the slide, che che Szehui will give you something special."

I was like, Shit.

And so I said, "I will give each of you a kiss."

And so I continued, "To show that I am very serious in kissing all of you, I shall set my mouth apart for one week until I see you next Sunday."

And so I concluded, "I will not brush my teeth for one week, eat lotsa onions, garlics, grilled sotongs, and kiss you all."

Kids took a few steps back. Aunties gave me The Look.

One little boy looked at me. "Really?" He asked.

I think he's in love with me.

And So I Sued My Mom

I want to sue my mother for discrimination.

For eveything I did that displeases her, she says:

"You single eye-lided and left handed people are always up to no good!"

There's this really funny post I read from FMyLife.

"Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML"

Shit. I can't stop laughing.

Weird Dreams

Weird Dream#1

I dreamt that all my eye lashes fell out. But I was not worried. In fact I was quite happy.

So I told Ma, "Ma, I've got no lashes now. So I need mascaras."

"But where do you wanna apply the mascaras on? You've got no lashes."

I was like, "Yeah, nevermind. Falsies then."

"But you've got no lashes. Where do you wanna clip your falsies on?"

=.="

Weird Dream#2

I dreamt that I was fighting with Enemy No.1.

I attempted a side kick. It turned out really embarassing because my kick was as low as my knee.

Enemy No.1 laughed really loud.

I was embarassed, and then turned angry.

I charged at Enemy No.1, pushed him down, sat on him and clawed his face.

Punched Enemy No.1's face. Not hard enough.

Punched Enemy No.1's face again. Not loud enough.

Punched Enemy No.1's face again. Not accurate enough.

And I punched and punched and punched until I get the perfect punch.

Weird Dream#3

I dreamt I dated Rafael Nadal, who is freaking hot.

And Girls Wanna Get Married

And there is the one and only way to really piss Anne Yap Shiang Ling off.

Wear a white dress on her wedding day.

One day I told Tsiyin:

"Let me be your emcee on your wedding day."

"No. I don't want you to go up there and say weird things."

Oh yeess, I will...

And So I Played Pranks

1. There was this very nice aunty who came to our house.

She looked at me, "What form are you in?"

"Form 3."

"Ooh, having PMR soon! Are you prepared?"

"Yeah sorta. But I'm really worried about my Geography."

"Haiyah! Don't worry! You're still young there's so much more to expect! When you're in your Form 4 and 5 then you'll think PMR is nothing."

"Ooo..." (laughing really hard on the inside...)

"What school are you attending?"

"SMK Seksyen 1 Bandar Kinrara."

Then Ma came and ask, "What time are you going to Uni tomorrow?"

"7.30am."

Aunty was confused, "Uni?"

Ma glared at me, "She's nineteen, Lillian."

2. Once, at a family gathering where it was so large we were seated with people we don't really know.

There was this aunty who asked me, "Dear, what form are you in?"

"Aunty, I'm doing my first year."

"Oh oh oh, which Uni?"

"MU."

"Oh oh oh MU! Your father graduated there!"

"Yes yes yes..."

"What programme are you doing?"

"Bachelor of Psychology and Business."

"Oh! I didn't know that now they offer such courses! Good good good! Study hard!"

"Monash University does."

Phone Almost Lost

I almost lost my phone one day.

When I realised it was not with me, I told Anne to call my number. Heard no ringing.

Went to the washroom. Not there.

Went to the library. Asked the librarian. He was so shocked. It's a phone I've misplaced. I cracked a smile, it's just an old koyaked phone no worries. Alas! Not there.

And I found it. It was in my bag. Blur.

I was thinking, maybe if I've lost it. I could have got a new phone plus a new number. Yeesss.

It's that wry smile, turn head around as if distracted for that split second, and turn back giving them your attention.

Body language says: I don't give a damn of what you're saying gfys.

Gabriel

I watched this movie on TV. Gabriel.

I was like "wah Angels Michael and Gabriel so wanna watch!".

And so I watched. It was really bad, and lame. Dark, damp and emotional.

Shit stupid movie. Waste my time.

Dear Tsiyin,

Your marathon's over huh? Mine's just started! Sob...

I met a new friend. Her name is Nicole Tan Petaling Jaya. She is the future CEO of Nickelodeon Co.

The Screen at Kamchanod

What happens when three very small girls went for horror movies during lecture breaks?

One was really brave. One covered her ears and close her eyes all the time. And one covers her eyes looking from the slits of her open fingers.

The cinema was dark. And there was only four of us. Three small girls. And a guy we don't know.

(Shiver....)

Two years from now I'll be graduating and I would like a pair of classic black or white peep toe pumps.

Ah~Magnificent. And I will fall and break my leg this time. As usual.

Btw thats Christian Louboutin. Dream on haha!

The Fud is Gud

Anne brought baked macaroni for me today. Nyam nyam sooo nice!

Sometimes love comes around and they knock you down.

And I fell in love with the Christian boy who owns a restaurant and an orchard that has a river flowing in it.

I wish I have a piano in my room. Parents are always complaining that I'm noisy whenever I practise. Well, it's practise, not perfomance. Ya dig?

I wanna take nice pictures.

Randomness gets to me.

The assignment itself does not bother me. Its the biblio. God save me.

I am slacking~~

Awh TRUCK law is so tideous.

Suddenly there're tonnes of assignments piling up.... T.T

I dreamt of a very prized possession of mine broke, and I woke up feeling down. My water bottle, given by Tsiyin on my birthday. Its handle broke. I was very sad.

But mine definitely look better. It has winged patterns XD

French Connection

There were a few times I blurted out the F word.

Tsiyin looked at me, "Don't say that."

"Sorry. Can't help it. These are the few poeple who made me say it."

"Say French Connection. Blurting the actual word sort of..."

"Yeah I know, it downgrades me."

BUT

French Connection is too much syllables to pronounce.

My Face, Up There

I find it amusing how girls with big boobs wear this t shirt printed on where their boobs are "My face is up here", with an arrow pointing upwards. I wanted one too, it's just that the words are printed somewhere lower, where my stomach is. LOL!

Nah, it just occur to me because Tsiyin says this weird statement.

She was talking to me. I was caressing my 'after lunch stomach'.

She looked as if she wanted to punch me. "Stop grabbing on your non existing stomach!"

"I thought you were suppossed to look at my face when you're talking to me, woman."

The next time, I'll wear my T shirt.

Oh and I realised how Maths doesn't make sense to me. Ever since kindergarten my Maths teacher will complain about me making stupid careless mistakes when counting. Yes, my Maths was never good. Good as in I'm able to achieve reasonably excellent results but I never bother to know the subject better. I am not passionate about Maths.

Ever since SPM was over I thought I could say goodbye to Maths (or Add Maths, whatever), then came foundation year. So after foundation year I though I could kiss Maths goodbye, then came Stats. And so after Stats I though I could really kiss Maths goodbye, then came Financial Management. And so, my wretched relationship with Maths was just as sucky as the last one. It dragged all the time, and we could never break up (as much as I wanted to).

Tsiyin says, "Don't you realise the word Finance does have a lot to do with Maths?" And yet I chose to major in it. Crown me Blur Queen, indeed I did not realise.

Psych lecturer looked at a slide filled with equations (stats equations) and asked, "Where's n?"

I pointed to the woman sitting on my right, "Anne's here." Hahahaha!

As much as people classify people who's not good in Maths as stupid. Lets just assume that I'm stupid because I don't like Maths (Science as well).

It is amazing how I always overshoot word limits. No matter how much the lecturer increase the word limit to, I, without fail, will exceed the limit. Seems like a record to break for me (Lol!). Jess says, "They beat around the bush thirty times, dance round the trees ten times before they tell you, 'Oh what I wanted to say was, 'the grass is green.''"

I tell grandmother stories all the time.

It is time....(face twitched) to start assignments.

Nabal

I know a person by the name Nabal. She is arrogant and proud. She has no respect for anyone. And when she says something seemingly nice, we all know that she don't mean it. Everyone had said that it's no point getting into an argument with her, because she had a sharp tongue that held her opponents speechless, without fail. Nonetheless, such great talent, wasted upon a self centered beauty.

She held no shame upon embarrassing gestures and speech shown. And she is cleverly insolent. I had tried many times, although very diligently to resist the temptation of refuting her lies, trying to correct her of her deliberate misstatements, I ended up being badly wounded myself.

If a wise man goes to court

with a fool,

the fool scoffs and boasts,

And there was no peace for everyone.

If I were the wise man, I wouldn't argue. Supposedly I need to be wiser.

My hair is turning brown it used to be jet black and I don't know why.

Top 3 Reasons to be a Boy

1. I don't have to wear a bra.
2. I don't have to shave.
3. It's not an issue when I don't have flawless skin.

Anne cracks her knuckles. It's really freaky.

Especially when she's done with cracking each knuckle, she put her palms together and... CRACK!

It was like Ouch...

I said, "My mom says that if you crack your knuckles, it would become big."

"Is it? I've been doing it since forever~~^o^"

"......"

==========================

We like fishballs sold at the Uni cafeteria.

Anne says, "I'm gonna get balls. Want some?"

OR

"You want balls? I'm gonna get some later."

I want fishballs. Not balls... XD

This Is My Story

Author's Note: This piece of writing is meant to encourage and to inspire, not to defame anyone.

==========================================

There was once I went with Tsiyin, Anne and Anne's boyfriend to THEFACESHOP looking for skin care products. I was looking for something that could heal acne scars. The promoter recommended a product and I asked her this very duh question, “Does it work?” She nodded. I bought that thing. It was very expensive. 15ml for RM49.90. As soon as we walk out the store, Tsiyin said, “Sheesh, you asked a really stupid question. Definitely she would say it works duh!”

Like how subliminal messages are proven unable to change people’s conceptions i.e. the havoc about screening fastfood advertisements before screening movies in the cinema causing people to opt for fastfood after the movie was proven invalid, rather it was the people’s expectations that work miracles. So I assume that as long as the product does not give rise to any obvious adverse effects, my expectations would make it work. Just like how I chose to believe when my former boyfriend told me that he would love me forever. Just like how I chose to believe when he says he will never leave me.

Maybe it was the very obvious adverse effects that had cause my downfall. In the end, the product failed to function as it claimed and my face was covered with awful breakouts (this is an analogy THEFACESHOP did work). It happened one night and I was so afraid to tell anyone in school the next day. I’ve just known Anne for like, a month. We were having classes together in the computer lab that dreadful Friday. She was so happy chattering about her boyfriend coming back from UK, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her to shut up. It was in class that I chose to tell her via Facebook. I forgot to unlock the Caps Lock so I suppose it must have looked weird. WE BROKE UP. She asked why and tears started to well up for me. Venue was a lab with classmates and the tutor, a place where I don’t want to break down so I sort of bit my lip and prayed that the class would be over soon. I zombthed throughout the tutorials, the tutor was saying something about the present assignment I wouldn’t respond to the extent that Anne had to scribble the points down on my book so that I don’t miss out. Shit.

I’d hate to break down in front of someone I’ve just known, but I did. I cried in front of Anne. It was weeks after I met with the old friends. Cynthia was shocked. Tsiyin was expecting that though. “Are you still in that post breakup stage?” “Guess I’m not anymore.” “Good.” And they said something that made me felt better but would definitely hurt his self esteem. What not? I didn’t write this just to hurt someone.

A friend of mine said this, “I’d rather my boyfriend cheat on me with a guy.” I was like, Woah. But she was very honest with her feelings. If it were a girl I would feel like he’s telling me in my face that I don’t mean anything after all, like I could be replaced. He did not cheat on me. I chose to go on with his statement although I, frankly, sort of suspected its authenticity. I didn’t ask for more information though, because I don’t want to know. However, I must admit that I had refused to recognize that I had felt that I don’t mean anything to you after all feeling and I was really depressed at the thought, after all it was not a short period of time we’ve spent together. I kept trying to put up that ‘I don’t care’ mask thinking I could glide on smoothly. Life is not a masquerade party. When obvious facts keep appearing before my eyes, there was nothing I could do but take courage to shrug them off and get on with life, for if I don’t, until this day, I would still be crying (and I got really tired of crying).

This was what he taught me when we’re dealing with issues I dislike about him. You have to really accept it you can’t just pretend to accept it because it won’t work. Easier said than done, but I’ve made it. The key point is to be honest to your feelings. It was not easy for me, and it still isn’t. I have incorrigible pride. I have beautiful, good looking, extremely-smart-scholarship-holders, successful-award-winning-entrepreneurs cousins surrounding me, although parents do not pressurize me, I myself have the burden of trying very hard to make up to their standard. While a number of them had already succeeded in worldly standards: good academic results, good job, happily married or in a happy relationship, my breaking of attachment with him would simply indicate that I’ve chosen the wrong boy. Seems like a small matter but it was my self-consciousness that had magnified it. I had not gotten over this issue though, and I still had my mask on. Uncles, aunties and cousins did not inquire about us though, they knew I’m uncomfortable with it.

It was a great relief when I finally could be honest with friends and family. Yes, I had been jealous. In fact, very jealous. But not anymore, ever since I confronted and conquered that disruptive emotion. Triumphant! Victory is mine. I’m a coward I’m scared of taking revenge, furthermore vengeance is not so sweet so I did not opt for it. I admit that although I said, “Okay~ ^^” with that stupid smile when he asked if we could still be friends, what I wanted to say inside was, “Wem gfys!” where my id and ego had wanted to bash him up, superego overruled. Triumphant again! I love Freud. His reasoning is ever readily applied in my writing. I’m not saying that he’s the jerk and it’s all his fault for this mess he’d caused me because some point in time, I had been the real bastard. Just as the old man at home had warned me about, “You’re doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.”, and I told him, “Shut up you stupid old man what do you know about love you can’t stop it when it comes and I’m in love!” Just as the old woman at home had told me, “Be careful, it might turn out that you’re the one getting dumped.”, and I told her, “Shut up you stupid old woman God says love endures forever what do you know about love.” Everything turned out to prove me wrong and proved my old people right. I had thought that this is the new world and things that happen to them do not necessarily happen to me, thus their logic does not apply. As God says,

“The eye that mocks a father,

that scorns obedience to a

mother,

will be pecked out by the ravens

of the valley,

will be eaten by the vultures.

Proverbs 30: 17

He who trusts in himself is a

fool,

but he who walks in wisdom

is kept safe.

Proverbs 28: 26

Serves me right.

I am nineteen this year, and this is my story, a turning point in my life. I learn valuable lessons. I could have waited my whole life for his ring, a symbol of his commitment to nurture and love me for the rest of my life. I didn’t get to that day though. I’ve always thought that I could write a love story that would make the world pause for a moment, so I kept a journal recording all of our happenings, from how very different we were but still is able to make it to my happy ending. My happy ending is very conventional. My story would end with: And they lived together happily ever after. But it didn’t though, it was marked at: And they went on separate ways, with grief and resentment. The first story had ended, but in my opinion, it marked the beginning of another, simply based on the fact that if I did not make it to wear his ring, I will put on the ring of another man who somewhat suits me better. It would be the same for him and it would be two happy endings for two different stories rather than just one.

Dear former boyfriend,

Although our journey together had not been a pleasant one, or maybe just summarize it in few words: bitter and insincere. I acknowledge the fact that we had tried our best not to fall apart. And when we did, I held no grudges against you. I really hated you for those words you said after the separation, how you mocked me, my family, my faith and everyone related to me. But somehow in those circumstances, you made me a more resilient person. You have made the right decision, although it had made me develop hostile feelings for you. Everything happened for the better of me. Everything is in His plans for me, plans to prosper and not plans to harm. I would say, for an anxious person like me, if it weren’t for the promises God held for me, I couldn’t have got up. Maybe I could, after a long time when I’ve outgrown that awkward stage of developmental psychology.

I just thank you and thank you and thank you, for assisting me in my growth in stature and in mind. I am much happier now don’t worry and I hope that you will find the path that suits you best.

Szehui

This is my story. An inspiration on the current largest event that had happened in my life, where a very important person had to leave and I was made to face issues I had avoided confronting in the past. All credits to God and those who had lend a comforting hand in my state of helplessness for it all contributed to the self assumed improved me today.

When I was doubtful of my self worth, God says,

All beautiful you are, my darling;

there is no flaw in you.

Song of Songs 4:7

Another favorite verse:

When my heart was grieved

and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before

you.

Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right

hand.

You guide me with your

counsel,

and afterward you will take

me into glory.

Psalm 73: 21-24

I love Song of Songs and Psalms! :) Glory be to God!