Gabriel

I watched this movie on TV. Gabriel.

I was like "wah Angels Michael and Gabriel so wanna watch!".

And so I watched. It was really bad, and lame. Dark, damp and emotional.

Shit stupid movie. Waste my time.

Dear Tsiyin,

Your marathon's over huh? Mine's just started! Sob...

I met a new friend. Her name is Nicole Tan Petaling Jaya. She is the future CEO of Nickelodeon Co.

The Screen at Kamchanod

What happens when three very small girls went for horror movies during lecture breaks?

One was really brave. One covered her ears and close her eyes all the time. And one covers her eyes looking from the slits of her open fingers.

The cinema was dark. And there was only four of us. Three small girls. And a guy we don't know.

(Shiver....)

Two years from now I'll be graduating and I would like a pair of classic black or white peep toe pumps.

Ah~Magnificent. And I will fall and break my leg this time. As usual.

Btw thats Christian Louboutin. Dream on haha!

The Fud is Gud

Anne brought baked macaroni for me today. Nyam nyam sooo nice!

Sometimes love comes around and they knock you down.

And I fell in love with the Christian boy who owns a restaurant and an orchard that has a river flowing in it.

I wish I have a piano in my room. Parents are always complaining that I'm noisy whenever I practise. Well, it's practise, not perfomance. Ya dig?

I wanna take nice pictures.

Randomness gets to me.

The assignment itself does not bother me. Its the biblio. God save me.

I am slacking~~

Awh TRUCK law is so tideous.

Suddenly there're tonnes of assignments piling up.... T.T

I dreamt of a very prized possession of mine broke, and I woke up feeling down. My water bottle, given by Tsiyin on my birthday. Its handle broke. I was very sad.

But mine definitely look better. It has winged patterns XD

French Connection

There were a few times I blurted out the F word.

Tsiyin looked at me, "Don't say that."

"Sorry. Can't help it. These are the few poeple who made me say it."

"Say French Connection. Blurting the actual word sort of..."

"Yeah I know, it downgrades me."

BUT

French Connection is too much syllables to pronounce.

My Face, Up There

I find it amusing how girls with big boobs wear this t shirt printed on where their boobs are "My face is up here", with an arrow pointing upwards. I wanted one too, it's just that the words are printed somewhere lower, where my stomach is. LOL!

Nah, it just occur to me because Tsiyin says this weird statement.

She was talking to me. I was caressing my 'after lunch stomach'.

She looked as if she wanted to punch me. "Stop grabbing on your non existing stomach!"

"I thought you were suppossed to look at my face when you're talking to me, woman."

The next time, I'll wear my T shirt.

Oh and I realised how Maths doesn't make sense to me. Ever since kindergarten my Maths teacher will complain about me making stupid careless mistakes when counting. Yes, my Maths was never good. Good as in I'm able to achieve reasonably excellent results but I never bother to know the subject better. I am not passionate about Maths.

Ever since SPM was over I thought I could say goodbye to Maths (or Add Maths, whatever), then came foundation year. So after foundation year I though I could kiss Maths goodbye, then came Stats. And so after Stats I though I could really kiss Maths goodbye, then came Financial Management. And so, my wretched relationship with Maths was just as sucky as the last one. It dragged all the time, and we could never break up (as much as I wanted to).

Tsiyin says, "Don't you realise the word Finance does have a lot to do with Maths?" And yet I chose to major in it. Crown me Blur Queen, indeed I did not realise.

Psych lecturer looked at a slide filled with equations (stats equations) and asked, "Where's n?"

I pointed to the woman sitting on my right, "Anne's here." Hahahaha!

As much as people classify people who's not good in Maths as stupid. Lets just assume that I'm stupid because I don't like Maths (Science as well).

It is amazing how I always overshoot word limits. No matter how much the lecturer increase the word limit to, I, without fail, will exceed the limit. Seems like a record to break for me (Lol!). Jess says, "They beat around the bush thirty times, dance round the trees ten times before they tell you, 'Oh what I wanted to say was, 'the grass is green.''"

I tell grandmother stories all the time.

It is time....(face twitched) to start assignments.

Nabal

I know a person by the name Nabal. She is arrogant and proud. She has no respect for anyone. And when she says something seemingly nice, we all know that she don't mean it. Everyone had said that it's no point getting into an argument with her, because she had a sharp tongue that held her opponents speechless, without fail. Nonetheless, such great talent, wasted upon a self centered beauty.

She held no shame upon embarrassing gestures and speech shown. And she is cleverly insolent. I had tried many times, although very diligently to resist the temptation of refuting her lies, trying to correct her of her deliberate misstatements, I ended up being badly wounded myself.

If a wise man goes to court

with a fool,

the fool scoffs and boasts,

And there was no peace for everyone.

If I were the wise man, I wouldn't argue. Supposedly I need to be wiser.

My hair is turning brown it used to be jet black and I don't know why.

Top 3 Reasons to be a Boy

1. I don't have to wear a bra.
2. I don't have to shave.
3. It's not an issue when I don't have flawless skin.

Anne cracks her knuckles. It's really freaky.

Especially when she's done with cracking each knuckle, she put her palms together and... CRACK!

It was like Ouch...

I said, "My mom says that if you crack your knuckles, it would become big."

"Is it? I've been doing it since forever~~^o^"

"......"

==========================

We like fishballs sold at the Uni cafeteria.

Anne says, "I'm gonna get balls. Want some?"

OR

"You want balls? I'm gonna get some later."

I want fishballs. Not balls... XD

This Is My Story

Author's Note: This piece of writing is meant to encourage and to inspire, not to defame anyone.

==========================================

There was once I went with Tsiyin, Anne and Anne's boyfriend to THEFACESHOP looking for skin care products. I was looking for something that could heal acne scars. The promoter recommended a product and I asked her this very duh question, “Does it work?” She nodded. I bought that thing. It was very expensive. 15ml for RM49.90. As soon as we walk out the store, Tsiyin said, “Sheesh, you asked a really stupid question. Definitely she would say it works duh!”

Like how subliminal messages are proven unable to change people’s conceptions i.e. the havoc about screening fastfood advertisements before screening movies in the cinema causing people to opt for fastfood after the movie was proven invalid, rather it was the people’s expectations that work miracles. So I assume that as long as the product does not give rise to any obvious adverse effects, my expectations would make it work. Just like how I chose to believe when my former boyfriend told me that he would love me forever. Just like how I chose to believe when he says he will never leave me.

Maybe it was the very obvious adverse effects that had cause my downfall. In the end, the product failed to function as it claimed and my face was covered with awful breakouts (this is an analogy THEFACESHOP did work). It happened one night and I was so afraid to tell anyone in school the next day. I’ve just known Anne for like, a month. We were having classes together in the computer lab that dreadful Friday. She was so happy chattering about her boyfriend coming back from UK, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her to shut up. It was in class that I chose to tell her via Facebook. I forgot to unlock the Caps Lock so I suppose it must have looked weird. WE BROKE UP. She asked why and tears started to well up for me. Venue was a lab with classmates and the tutor, a place where I don’t want to break down so I sort of bit my lip and prayed that the class would be over soon. I zombthed throughout the tutorials, the tutor was saying something about the present assignment I wouldn’t respond to the extent that Anne had to scribble the points down on my book so that I don’t miss out. Shit.

I’d hate to break down in front of someone I’ve just known, but I did. I cried in front of Anne. It was weeks after I met with the old friends. Cynthia was shocked. Tsiyin was expecting that though. “Are you still in that post breakup stage?” “Guess I’m not anymore.” “Good.” And they said something that made me felt better but would definitely hurt his self esteem. What not? I didn’t write this just to hurt someone.

A friend of mine said this, “I’d rather my boyfriend cheat on me with a guy.” I was like, Woah. But she was very honest with her feelings. If it were a girl I would feel like he’s telling me in my face that I don’t mean anything after all, like I could be replaced. He did not cheat on me. I chose to go on with his statement although I, frankly, sort of suspected its authenticity. I didn’t ask for more information though, because I don’t want to know. However, I must admit that I had refused to recognize that I had felt that I don’t mean anything to you after all feeling and I was really depressed at the thought, after all it was not a short period of time we’ve spent together. I kept trying to put up that ‘I don’t care’ mask thinking I could glide on smoothly. Life is not a masquerade party. When obvious facts keep appearing before my eyes, there was nothing I could do but take courage to shrug them off and get on with life, for if I don’t, until this day, I would still be crying (and I got really tired of crying).

This was what he taught me when we’re dealing with issues I dislike about him. You have to really accept it you can’t just pretend to accept it because it won’t work. Easier said than done, but I’ve made it. The key point is to be honest to your feelings. It was not easy for me, and it still isn’t. I have incorrigible pride. I have beautiful, good looking, extremely-smart-scholarship-holders, successful-award-winning-entrepreneurs cousins surrounding me, although parents do not pressurize me, I myself have the burden of trying very hard to make up to their standard. While a number of them had already succeeded in worldly standards: good academic results, good job, happily married or in a happy relationship, my breaking of attachment with him would simply indicate that I’ve chosen the wrong boy. Seems like a small matter but it was my self-consciousness that had magnified it. I had not gotten over this issue though, and I still had my mask on. Uncles, aunties and cousins did not inquire about us though, they knew I’m uncomfortable with it.

It was a great relief when I finally could be honest with friends and family. Yes, I had been jealous. In fact, very jealous. But not anymore, ever since I confronted and conquered that disruptive emotion. Triumphant! Victory is mine. I’m a coward I’m scared of taking revenge, furthermore vengeance is not so sweet so I did not opt for it. I admit that although I said, “Okay~ ^^” with that stupid smile when he asked if we could still be friends, what I wanted to say inside was, “Wem gfys!” where my id and ego had wanted to bash him up, superego overruled. Triumphant again! I love Freud. His reasoning is ever readily applied in my writing. I’m not saying that he’s the jerk and it’s all his fault for this mess he’d caused me because some point in time, I had been the real bastard. Just as the old man at home had warned me about, “You’re doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.”, and I told him, “Shut up you stupid old man what do you know about love you can’t stop it when it comes and I’m in love!” Just as the old woman at home had told me, “Be careful, it might turn out that you’re the one getting dumped.”, and I told her, “Shut up you stupid old woman God says love endures forever what do you know about love.” Everything turned out to prove me wrong and proved my old people right. I had thought that this is the new world and things that happen to them do not necessarily happen to me, thus their logic does not apply. As God says,

“The eye that mocks a father,

that scorns obedience to a

mother,

will be pecked out by the ravens

of the valley,

will be eaten by the vultures.

Proverbs 30: 17

He who trusts in himself is a

fool,

but he who walks in wisdom

is kept safe.

Proverbs 28: 26

Serves me right.

I am nineteen this year, and this is my story, a turning point in my life. I learn valuable lessons. I could have waited my whole life for his ring, a symbol of his commitment to nurture and love me for the rest of my life. I didn’t get to that day though. I’ve always thought that I could write a love story that would make the world pause for a moment, so I kept a journal recording all of our happenings, from how very different we were but still is able to make it to my happy ending. My happy ending is very conventional. My story would end with: And they lived together happily ever after. But it didn’t though, it was marked at: And they went on separate ways, with grief and resentment. The first story had ended, but in my opinion, it marked the beginning of another, simply based on the fact that if I did not make it to wear his ring, I will put on the ring of another man who somewhat suits me better. It would be the same for him and it would be two happy endings for two different stories rather than just one.

Dear former boyfriend,

Although our journey together had not been a pleasant one, or maybe just summarize it in few words: bitter and insincere. I acknowledge the fact that we had tried our best not to fall apart. And when we did, I held no grudges against you. I really hated you for those words you said after the separation, how you mocked me, my family, my faith and everyone related to me. But somehow in those circumstances, you made me a more resilient person. You have made the right decision, although it had made me develop hostile feelings for you. Everything happened for the better of me. Everything is in His plans for me, plans to prosper and not plans to harm. I would say, for an anxious person like me, if it weren’t for the promises God held for me, I couldn’t have got up. Maybe I could, after a long time when I’ve outgrown that awkward stage of developmental psychology.

I just thank you and thank you and thank you, for assisting me in my growth in stature and in mind. I am much happier now don’t worry and I hope that you will find the path that suits you best.

Szehui

This is my story. An inspiration on the current largest event that had happened in my life, where a very important person had to leave and I was made to face issues I had avoided confronting in the past. All credits to God and those who had lend a comforting hand in my state of helplessness for it all contributed to the self assumed improved me today.

When I was doubtful of my self worth, God says,

All beautiful you are, my darling;

there is no flaw in you.

Song of Songs 4:7

Another favorite verse:

When my heart was grieved

and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before

you.

Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right

hand.

You guide me with your

counsel,

and afterward you will take

me into glory.

Psalm 73: 21-24

I love Song of Songs and Psalms! :) Glory be to God!

I am very in love with Yiruma's River Flows In You.