A mixture of thoughts

Feeling kind of gloomy today. Emo(not again!). These days, I'm always emoing. Partly because of a stupid family gathering last night. All attention was given to my cousin, I was being jealous. I just hate being in the midst of these people who thinks that if you're not going overseas to study, you are a failure. They may not say it, but I felt it. I never know how to bring it up because he's going to tell me not to be sensitive. That I know, just wanna get someone to emphatise with me.

During Maths period my teacher mentioned something about someone's death which was supposedly our fellow coursemate. Accident, on his way to his hometown. It did not occur to me that he was someone I know(rather, just recognise his face). I don't even know his name. To link it all up, it is my boyfriend's friend's friend. It was all a while of 'oooh aaah, that's bad...', then I left for break.

It was 3.45pm when I saw Alan walking up the corridor from another entrance. Suspecting that he'd skipped class(or forgotten about having class too engrossed playing cyber games), I waved at him, asked him where he'd been.

He looked at my watch and said,"Oh, Miss Lee let us out early."
(pause)

"A classmate died."
"What? Do you know him?"
"The guy who had lunch with us on Friday."
"Which?"
"The one with long hair."
"Big, fat one?"
"Nope, small thin guy."

I tried to recall. That small thin guy with long hair. They were having lunch, but I wasn't eating. Too busy doing my second argument. My computer was running out of battery and I was swearing under my breath. As usual I was given the 'why are you so frustrated, it's not going to help' lecture. I hadn't really bothered to give that guy another look. But now we all know he's gone forever. The feeling was weird. I don't even know his name.

Alan had this distant look in his eyes. For a moment I thought he was going to cry. I gave myself a deeper thought. If it were someone I knew better that had passed away(maybe friends maybe family), I would have cried myself a river. That guy, where is he going after this?